Column written by Francis J. Kong
The Philippine Star, October 16, 2008. Republished here with permission of the author.
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An arrogant government representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer. "I need to inspect your farm." The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field."
The agricultural representative said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the government with me. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."
So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, the farmer heard loud screams. He saw the representative running for the fence, and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and was gaining at every step.
The old farmer called out: "Show him your card!"
Some people are just so difficult to deal with. I have been asked this question: "Francis, just how do you handle difficult people?" And my two-word answer is: "Very carefully."
There will always be people, who are simply difficult to deal with. Have you met people like these? I am sure you have and so have I. Now understand one important thing. Just because a person is educated is no guarantee that the person is cultured.
I have met people who are brash, rude, arrogant, proud even though they are highly educated. These are people with impressive educational degrees. I mean these people have got more degrees than a thermometer but they sure act, talk and behave rude and crude.
So how do you deal with people like these?
My response is: "You have to be kind to bacteria." Because to some people like these, bacteria is the only culture they have. I will not allow them to get on my nerves because I will not allow their rudeness to control me. He who angers you, controls you. We may not be able to control everyone but if there is only one person in the world we can control, it's the one you see on the mirror every day.
My partners and I offer the licensed Dr. John Maxwell leadership training programs and we deal with this subject matter intensively. Dr. John Maxwell offers the 10 commandments for handling difficult people:
- Use the 101-percent Principle. Find the one percent you agree on and give it 100 percent of your attention.
- Love people more than policies, but love truth more than people.
- Give others the benefit of the doubt.
- Learn to be flexible where you can.
- Check your own attitude.
- Don't overreact to conflict and disagreement.
- Welcome the conflict. Make it a learning experience.
- Provide an escape for the person in conflict. Let them maintain their dignity.
- Take a risk. Give people a second chance.
- Take the high road. Be generous and believe the best about others.
The truth is that people change. Some change for the better and others change for the worst. I have met both. I have met people whose lives were so messed up before and now they are all cleaned up. I have also met people who used to be trustworthy, respectable and humble, and today, they have become some of the most arrogant and worst charlatans you will ever meet in your life. This is why the most important thing to remember is that you and I should make an effort in changing for the better everyday. Better in competence but more importantly...better in character.
When the choice is presented before you. People or truth? Choose truth over people all the time. Do not strive to be popular. Strive to be Christ-like.
You can handle difficult people when people trust you for who and what you really are.
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