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Pasko na't Masaya na naman sa Ating 'Pinas!

2009-12-11T00:18:00.000-08:00

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Mga Belen sa Manila
(Christmas Nativity Scenes)

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining...............
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope,
the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born!

O night, O holy night, O night divine!

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Maligayang Pasko, mga kapwang Pilipino! Ang kapayapaan ng Diyos at ang kasiyahang pam-Pasko ng Pilipinas ay sumainyo, kahit nasaan man kayo sa buong mundo!

Share your Christmas thoughts, prayers and greetings by clicking on the word "comments" just below. Feeling lonely? Or happy? Let us know. Got a question? Click on Magtanong sa Doktor or Magtanong sa Psychologist. Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Stay in touch!

Remember: Hindi Ka Nag-iisa. One. Filipino. Never Alone. (specially for Christmas)
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Pasko na't Masaya na naman sa Ating 'Pinas!

2009-12-10T01:33:00.000-08:00

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Mga Ilaw ng Pasko sa Manila
(Christmas Lights)

Ang Pasko ay sumapit
Tayo ay mangagsi-awit
Ng magagandang himig
Dahil sa Diyos ay pag-ibig

Nang si Kristo'y isilang
May tatlong haring nagsidalaw
At ang bawa't isa ay nagsipaghandog
Ng tanging alay

Bagong Taon ay magbagong-buhay
Nang lumigaya ang ating bayan
Tayo'y magsikap upang makamtan
Natin ang kasaganahan

Tayo'y mangagsi-awit
Habang ang mundo'y tahimik
Ang araw ay sumapit
Ng sanggol na dulot ng langit

Tayo ay magmahalan
Ating sundin ang gintong aral
At magbuhat ngayon
Kahit hindi Pasko ay magbigayan!

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Maligayang Pasko, mga kapwang Pilipino! Ang kapayapaan ng Diyos at ang kasiyahang pam-Pasko ng Pilipinas ay sumainyo, kahit nasaan man kayo sa buong mundo!

Share your Christmas thoughts, prayers and greetings by clicking on the word "comments" just below. Feeling lonely? Or happy? Let us know. Got a question? Click on Magtanong sa Doktor or Magtanong sa Psychologist. Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Stay in touch!

Remember: Hindi Ka Nag-iisa. One. Filipino. Never Alone. (specially for Christmas)
Click to return to website: www.ofwparasapamilya.com
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Hope

2009-08-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

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THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE PHILIPPINES
by Father James Reuter, S.J.

By her own admission, GMA (Gloria Macapagal Arroyo) rightfully assessed that over the last decades; our republic has become one of the weakest, steadily left behind by its more progressive neighbors.' Forty years ago, we were only second to Japan in economic stature, and way ahead of Singapore , Hong Kong , Malaysia , and Thailand . Today, at our present growth rate, it will take us 30 years to get to where Thailand is.

1. A population of 160 Million;

2. Of those, 70 to 90 million (equivalent to our current population) will live below the poverty line;

3. Our national debt is estimated to be at US$200B (compared to US$28B when Marcos fled, and US$53B today);

4... We will be competing, not against Thailand or even Vietnam , but against Bangladesh ;

5. We will be the most corrupt nation in Asia , if not in the world (we're already ranked 11th most corrupt nation by Transparency International) ...

The signs are clear. Our nation is headed towards an irreversible path of economic decline and moral decadence. It is not for lack of effort. We've seen many men and women of integrity in
and out of government, NGOs, church groups & people's organization devote themselves to the task of nation-building, often times against insurmountable odds.

But not even two people's revolutions, bloodless as they may be, have made a dent in reversing this trend. At best, we have moved one step forward, but three steps backward.

We need a force far greater than our collective efforts, as a people, can ever hope to muster. It is time to move the battle to the spiritual realm.. It's time to claim GOD's promise of healing of the land for His people. It's time to gather GOD's people on its knees to pray for theeconomic recovery and moral reformation of our nation.

Is prayer really the answer? Before you dismiss this as just another rambling of a religious fanatic, I'd like you to consider some lessons we can glean from history.

England 's ascendancy to world power was preceded by the Reformation, a spiritual revival fueled by intense prayers.

The early American settlers built the foundation that would make it the most powerful nation today - a strong faith in GOD and a disciplined prayer life. Throughout its history, and especially at its major turning points, waves of revival and prayer movement swept across the land.

In recent times, we see Korea as a nation experiencing revival and in the process producing the largest Christian church in the world today, led by Rev. Paul Yongi Cho. No wonder it has emerged as a strong nation when other economies around it are faltering.

Even from a purely secular viewpoint, it makes a lot of sense. For here there is genuine humbling
& seeking of GOD through prayer, moral reformation necessarily follows. And this, in turn, will lead to general prosperity. YES, we believe prayer can make a difference. It's our only hope.

Today, we launch this email brigade, to inform Filipinos from all over the world to pray, as a people, for the economic recovery and moral reformation of our nation. We do not ask for much. We only ask for 5 minutes of your time in a day, to fwd this email to your close friends and relatives.

This is the kind of unity which can make a big difference. Of course, if you feel strongly, as I do, about the power of prayer, you can be more involved by starting your own prayer group or prayer center.

We have tried people power twice; in both cases, it fell short. Maybe it's time to try prayer power. GOD never fails. Is there hope? YES! We can rely on God's promise, but we have to do our part. If we humble ourselves and pray as a people, GOD will heal our land. By GOD's grace, we may yet see a better future for our children.

'If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven, and will forgive their
sins, and will heal their land...'(2 Chronicles 7:14).

If you care for your children and grandchildren, PLEASE pass this on. .. ...

Let's not just abandon the Philippines

Symbols in the Philippine Flag

2009-06-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

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NATIONAL FLAG DAY
(First published in The Philippine Star, May 28, 2009.)

Republic Act No. 8491 prescribed the period from May 28 to June 12 of every year as Flag days. During this period, all offices, agencies and instrumentalities of government, business establishments, institutions of learning, and private homes are enjoined to display the Philippine national flag. Republic Act No. 8491 is a reminder to every Filipino that the Philippine national flag is the singular symbol of the country defining the unity of the various towns, provinces, regions and ethno-linguistic and sectoral groups of the nation. It advocates national unity, love of country, and nationhood.

According to historical books, the Philippine national flag was a brainchild of President Emilio Aguinaldo. Our veneration of our national flag is many times more meaningful if we know the distinctive meanings in each element in it.

The colors symbolize certain values: the red field means that Filipino valor is second to none. The white field means that Filipinos are capable of governing themselves. The sky blue field signifies the loftiness of the Filipino struggle for freedom.

The equilateral triangle represents the Katipunan ideals of Liberty, Equality and the Brotherhood of Men.

The three stars represent the three major geographical subdivisions of the Philippine archipelago, namely, Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao. The points in each star represent all the islands that make up these major geographic subdivisions.

The eight rays of the sun represent the eight provinces declared by the colonial government to be in a state of war (an estado de Guerra) during the revolution.

Our national flag is further distinguished from all other national flags. When the red field is up and the blue field is down, it signifies that the country is at war.

Let us respect our national flag. It no only represents our national identity but is the flag that was colored by the blood of our forefathers and enshrined by their sacrifices.

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The Victory at Alapan

2009-06-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Victory at Alapan and National Flag Day
By: Alejandro R. Roces
First Published in The Philippine Star, May 28, 2009.

On March 6, 1965, the President of the Philippines proclaimed May 28 as National Flag Day. May 28 was chosen because on that day in 1989, victorious Katipuneros carrying the Filipino flag that had arrived from Hongkong scored our first victory against the Spaniards. Next week, we will celebrate the 44th National Flag Day. We wonder what celebrations, if any, are planned?

Flag Day used to be celebrated on October 30 because that was when the Americans allowed Philippine flags to be publicly displayed way back in 1919. But for historical reasons, President Diosdado Macapagal changed the date of the celebration from October 30 to May 28. The new date went farther back into history for May 28 marked the first Filipino victory against Spain after General Emilio Aguinaldo’s return from exile in Hongkong. The battle lasted only 5 hours and 270 Spanish marines surrendered with all their arms because they had no ammunition. It was in that battle that the Filipino flag was first displayed.

The Filipino flag has two very interesting stories. It was first unfurled on June 12, 1898, when Aguinaldo first proclaimed our independence. It was said that the colors red, white and blue were patterned after the American flag because the Americans had approached Aguinaldo when he was in exile in Hongkong, and offered, not only to take him back to Cavite but also to help in the battle against Spain. At that time, the American flag was called, “the red, white and blue” and the Filipino flag was “the red, white and blue with the sun shining through”. The triangle in our flag stood for the rallying cry of the French Revolution – liberty, equality and brotherhood.

When the Americans took Aguinaldo to Kawit, Aguinaldo lacked the second most important symbol of a nation – a national anthem. So he called Julian Felipe, who was the organist of the church of Cavite and asked him to compose our national anthem. Felipe had a deadline of one week. On June 12, 1898, Aguinaldo declared our independence and introduced both our national flag and our national anthem.

The start of our national anthem is reminiscent of the Spanish Marcha Real. Felipe said that was intentional because he wanted our anthem to have historical continuity. The middle portion was obviously influenced by Verdi’s Triumphal March, which was first played when the Suez Canal was inaugurated, which by coincidence, happened the same year Aguinaldo was born. The concluding part of our national anthem was also obviously inspired by the opening chords of the French National Anthem La Marseillaise.

We believe that Flag Day should be commemorated with a display of the Philippine Flag from May 28 to June 12. It was also President Diosdado Macapagal who changed the celebration of our Independednce Day from July 4 to June 12. In short, our Independence Day was when General Aguinaldo proclaimed it and not when the Americans “granted” it decades later.

Government offices and educational institutions should be at the forefront of our Flag Day celebration. Flags have been the rallying symbols of a nation for at least 3,000 years.

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Easter

2009-04-12T09:30:00.000-07:00

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Freedom From Fear
By: Rev. Ruben M. Tanseco, S.J.
First published in The Philippine Star, April 12, 2009.

Here is a challenging description of the Resurrection that we are missioned to live by, here and now, and not after we die.

"Clearly, on that Easter morning, something happened to Jesus. But something happened to his disciples, too. They went hiding after the crucifixion. But after the news of Mary Magdalene, Mary and Salome, and the resurrection appearances (of Jesus), they walked back into the world. They became braver and stronger; they visited strangers; they healed the sick. It's not only what they saw when they saw Jesus, or how the saw it, but what was set free in them.

"What if the life after death (that) Jesus reveals is not a life exclusively for the dead? What if it's a life available to us all, something that we, the living, can participate in, too? What if the resurrection is not about the appearances of Jesus alone but also about what those appearances pointed to, what the Risen Jesus asked?

"The resurrection of Jesus is a resurrection within us, now, in this time and place. A new pattern of events is set free around us, a new way of looking at one another and our world is opened up. It is what we do with this new freedom that matters.

"We have to practice resurrection." (From Connections, April 2009)

You and I are missioned by the Lord to be aware, experience, and practice resurrection in the here and now, from day to day, month to month, year to year, until we move on to an even greater and eternal resurrection. And this involves and absolute freedom from fear. A total attachment to the Risen Lord as the only absolute in life. Everything else is relative. Everything. My life, my relationships, talents and treasures. They come and go, in God's own time. Wealth, power, fame, everything. God is the only absolute. So that when I attach myself totally to God, I am liberated from all my human fears--fears of my own pains, losses, crosses and failures. All this and more is a way of life, a spirituality all its own, and we are invited by the Risen Lord to experience it in our lives, here and now.

This family-loving Filipino was 40 years old, when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Six months later, at his death bed and surrounded by his wife and four, growing children, he expressed between sobs his last goodbye: "I never thought I would go this early. It was for all of you that I lived my life. Very soon I must go. But God is with you, and He will never go. He will take care of you much better that I ever did. So do not be afraid. I know you will miss me terribly, as I will miss you, too. But do not be afraid, for God is always with you..." He closed his eyes, and after a little while, he breathed no more. The family mourned for many, many months but at the same time lived their resurrection with the Lord. They became even closer to one another than ever before.

Side by side with our resurrection in our personal and family lives, is our resurrection in our national life. National elections are coming in 2010, and in my deepest faith, I trust that in God's own providence, we are experiencing a national dying as well as a national resurrection.

Time and again, I have emphasized in this column our national mission from God as POLITICAL SPIRITUALITY. We must not separate our affairs of state from the sovereignty of Almighty God. We must not separate the secular from the sacred. All our efforts for the common good of our people, and motivated by love and justice, is no less than political spirituality. Interfaith. Inter-religious. This must be activated both from below and from above. It is in this context that our choice for the next president of our beloved country is crucial and must be God-inspired.

This is where our leaders from the different religious denominations must collaborate in the moral and spiritual politicization of our people. Many of our voters need a lot of maturing and guidance. Voting out of God-inspired moral principles and not out of personality cultism. This is our mission from the Lord.

Some qualities in the person of our next President must be clearly and consistently present. A marked competence in political leadership and governance, undisputed moral integrity, a deep love for our country and our people, especially the poor and underprivileged, and most of all, a God-centered life. And by God-centered, we do not mean a political leader, who religiously goes to church services on Sundays or the Sabbath, but (who) is actually a trapo politician for the rest of the week.

The way we will choose our next president is no less than a practice of the resurrection. The Risen Lord is with us and will always be with us, for as long as we surrender ourselves to Him as the Only Absolute in life. Amen.

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Good Friday and Holy Saturday

2009-04-11T01:55:00.001-07:00

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A Meditation
By: Caryll Houselander
From the publication, Magnificat, Holy Week 2009

At Christ's death as at his birth, the circumstances of Christianity were the same as they are today.

In all this, there is some truth. Where Christ is, Judas is. There always has been, and there always will be, a bloody hand to take the thirty pieces of silver. But it is curious that Christ is doubted because he is consistent, and does not change, but remains true in every detail to his passion and its circumstances.

On the night of the first Good Friday, Christianity looked like a failure--it was a post-Christian world, Jerusalem moaned in her sleep, uneasy, threatened by war that might destroy her. The Apostles had fled. Judas hung from a tree. Christ was dead. All that was left in the world to show that he had lived was the empty cross on which he had died.

The poor huddled together, frightened and miserable, in the slums of the city; the lepers cowered in their caves in despair; sinners trembled, flung back into the hands of men. What now of the dreams that the prophet-poet had imposed upon them? "Blessed are the poor?" What now of the pure of heart who should see God? They had seen the man who said that he was God nailed up like vermin, bruised, disfigured, flogged, his face covered in filth and blood and the spitting of the crowd. They had heard his voice, the same voice that had cried out so lyrically on the mountainside that not even a sparrow falls without the Father's knowledge, crying out, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

Christ rested in the tomb. He had done all that he could do and had given all that he had. He had trusted his Father and slept, darkness in his eyes, silence in his ears, peace in his heart.

Once he had slept in a boat that was tossed by storm. He slept now while a storm of evil tossed the world: the evil that flings itself in hatred against whatever is good, whatever is pure, the evil that seeks to kill God.

Christ slept. He had overcome the world; its storm could not touch the serenity of his consummated love. The hours moved slowly onwards through the terror and despair of that dark night, reaching out longingly to the moment of resurrection, the secret moment of ineffable love: the moment of the first heartbeat of the risen Christ.

In that first beat of the heart of the man who had died, the resurrection of the whole world would be contained.

Editor's note: Caryll Houselander (+1954) was a British mystic, poet and spiritual teacher.
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A Story of One's Hour of Distress and Redemption

2009-04-05T21:00:00.000-07:00

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“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
A Testimony of the Saints
By: Kanaria 2448 (Canada)

I truly did not understand what this Beatitude meant until one summer’s day in June when my family and I went to the town of Assisi, the birthplace of St. Francis and St. Clare. I learned about saints from school and church but I did not believe that they could really help. Miracles, especially their miracles, I thought, are only reserved for people who had faith.

My Mom’s entire family – 7 siblings, their spouses, and their children -spent the whole of June 1994 in Italy to celebrate the 50th golden wedding anniversary of my grandparents. What was supposed to be a wonderful occasion was very sad for my own immediate family. Just as my grandparents celebrated 50 years together, my Mom and Dad ended their marriage of 22 years.

Even though my relatives were celebrating, my heart was shattered into a thousand pieces that no one, not even the Lord, I thought, could fix.
For that whole month I dreaded to think of being part of a statistic of broken families; I dared not think going home to a house without a father. I envied my friends. Their parents were still together. And others, they had a great relationship with their fathers, but I did not.

With my parents’ separation, I feared my relationship with my father would create an even greater divide between us. I was afraid my parents were going to ask me to choose where I was going to live or admit to who I loved more. How could I?

Chaos churned inside of me but I kept silent. Choosing to live and love Mom more than Dad or vice versa, they can’t possibly ask me? Could they? I was hungry for love, for understanding. I ached to know, “Why?”

Empty and lost, I was the ship swallowed whole by swollen waves, left to drown in a black hole, a void. I could not see the way out. I wanted to die.

What better place to die than in a town called Assisi?

I told my Mom I loved her and that I was going to explore the town, alone. For the last time, my eyes traced the curve of her lips, every line and wrinkle on her face, so all of it will be etched in my memory forever. At 16, I was going to walk out on life to end my pain, my suffering.

Through the alleys of Assisi, I half ran and walked in search for the place to end it all. But every time I found the place, thoughts ran through my head, “Not yet. Don’t,” a male voice whispered.

I barked back, “Why? WHY? Can’t you see I’m in pain?” I moved on past tourists, monks, place of businesses, and nuns.

The next place didn’t seem to be good enough either because the male voice repeated, “Not yet. Don’t.” This internal battle continued for a good 45 minutes until I found myself on the last place on earth I should be – on the steps of the church of St. Francis.

I froze. How could I be in a place of holiness and worship when all I wanted to do was end my life, my pain, my suffering?

I wanted to turn back and continue my search but I found myself going into the church and sitting on a pew, instead. There, I could not help but look up at several hundred year old paintings that showed different scenes in the Bible. I was in awe of its beauty.

Then I had a childhood flashback to when Mom used to read Bible stories to my brother and me at bedtime. Gradually, my pain began to recede. Slowly, the pinprick of light widened to a wingspan. Little by little my sorrow was transformed to joy, then to love. “No. Not yet. Don’t. Love. Life,” the male voice said. A good half hour must have passed as I sat alone on the pew, lost in my memories.

As I left the church, I knew I had made a decision. The months and years ahead were going to be tough but I felt I was going to be all right.

“Love. Life.” The gentle breeze whispered, bathing me in peace.

“Love. Life,” that fateful June day in 1994, the Lord - with the help of St. Francis of Assisi, who I believe was the male voice who continuously whispered to me - was there to comfort and help in my darkest hour.

Was it a miracle? Perhaps.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

“Love. Life.” If I ended my life then, all I know is what a world I would have missed.

“Love. Life.” I come before you today to testify that when you and I are faced with a situation when we feel most vulnerable and alone, know and realize that you are being embraced in the arms of Jesus’ love. For in His arms of love, there lies comfort, refuge, and peace.

Amen.

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What do you think of Kanaria's personal story? Click on the word "comments" just below. Do you have your own testimony of distress and redemption? Submit it here on ePinoy Talk. Ask questions. Click on Magtanong sa Doktor or Magtanong sa Psychologist. Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Stay in touch!

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Aligning Your Family Goals

2009-02-24T00:10:00.000-08:00

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The S.M.A.R.T. Way to Set Family Goals

Setting family financial goals, with every member participating, brings families closer together. Learn the S.M.A.R.T way to set family goals. You will find that the more family members are working toward a common goal, the faster you will achieve results. What's more, when the entire family unit is working toward the same goals it can be a bonding experience that everyone will appreciate.

By Vince Shorb
Republished from Copy and Paste Articles.

Many of us already understand the benefits of setting personal goals. Take it to the next level by combining your personal goals with your family goals.

The more family members that are working toward a common goal the faster you will achieve results. What’s more, when the entire family unit is working toward financial goals it can be a bonding experience that everyone will appreciate.

Working toward family financial goals brings families closer together. You will find that your family will begin to operate as one unit in order to reach those financial goals. Many top business organizations, sports teams, charities and sororities share common financial goals that bring everyone involved closer together. It works for them so let the power of family financial goals work for you.

What family goals to set.

Family goals should be set for all areas of your life including: health, personal development, spiritual/ religious and life goals. This article will focus on family financial goals; however you can easily adopt the techniques to cover the remaining areas of your life. Once more, each individual person in the family should set their own personal goals and have full support from the family.

By setting family financial goals and working as a family to achieve financial freedom everyone involved gets a sense of purpose and something positive to work toward. Children, parents and other extended members of the family will all benefit from the support of working toward family goals.

How to set family financial goals.

Setting family financial goals begins with identifying objectives that your family wants to accomplish. Take some time to figure out what motivates everyone. It could be that one family member wants to take a trip to Hawaii, another wants a nice dinner once a week, and yet another person in the family wants to cut a few years off their retirement schedule. Find out what everyone dreams about because this will help you understand each others goals and you’ll become closer because of it.

Once you have an understanding of what each family member wants it's time to align your goals. Maybe you want to learn more about making investments, want to increase your 401k savings, would like that new car, or just want to have more money for a rainy day. The bottom line is that everyone in the family has to do their part. When everyone works together with a common goal of achieving financial freedom then everyone’s life improves. The ability to set family financial goals and achieve family goals will improve every aspect of you personally and your family as a whole.

Family Financial Goals That Work.

There are effective goal setting techniques available that will allow your family to maximize the effectiveness of your financial goals. One helpful technique to aid in accomplishing your goals is to set them using the S.M.A.R.T method.

- S ‘ Significant & Specific. The more detailed you are able to make your family goals the closer you are to achieving them. This gives you a clear target to shoot for and when you see what you’re aiming at you have a much better chance at hitting the bull’s-eye.

Be sure to make your family financial goals significant. They must mean something to your family so that they are motivated to reach them. Setting a goal of saving for a gallon of gas probably won’t motivate people but if it was to save gas for a weekend trip now that’s another story. Remember kids, teens and young adults are motivated by lifestyle not money. So be sure to relate money to being able to afford the type of lifestyle your family wants to live.

- M - Motivational & Measurable. Family goals need to be measurable so you can celebrate together once you achieve them. This makes goal setting fun and a true bonding experience.

The family financial goals that you set should be motivational to the entire family. Create motivating goals that move family member to participate.

- A - Attainable. Dream huge and be realistic. You can be anything you set out to be; however growing gills so you can swim underwater probably won’t happen.

- R - Results-oriented, Reasons & Related. One way to maximize the effectiveness of your family financial goals is to phrase your goals in the positive. Using results-oriented words like “I accomplished,” “I received,” or “I have”, will direct your mind to focus on the outcome. Focusing on the outcome is one of the key steps to becoming financially free.

Your family financial goals should include the reasons too ‘ would you like money for college, a nice vacation, etc. The reasons are what motivate us to take control of our finances. Money doesn’t matter it’s what money brings us that matters.

Family financial goals must relate to each other so the family works as a single unit. Setting powerful family financial goals starts with making sure everyone’s goals are heading in the same direction and not contradicting each other. For instance, if one family member’s goal is taking a family trip to the beach next weekend and another goal is to work that weekend to save more money ‘ those contradict each other.

- T -Time. Your family financial goals should have a deadline. Decide on a specific time so you push each other to accomplish them by a certain date.

Take an evening and sit down together for dinner with no interruptions. Brainstorm together and find out everyone aspirations. Find a way to align your goals to create a dynamic family that accomplishes goals together. Every goal you set out and accomplish together will bring everyone closer.

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What do you think of the SMART Way, and of the need to align your family goals? Click on the word "comments" just below. Ask questions. Click on Magtanong sa Doktor or Magtanong sa Psychologist. Share your thoughts, feelings and experiences. Stay in touch!

Click here to set an appointment with the psychologists and doctors on our website.
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First Love

2009-01-25T21:02:00.000-08:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For Mothers and Fathers of Teenagers
A Special Article for Valentine's

First Love
By Bernardita Azurin-Quimpo
Interview by Marla Silayan
Published in Metro Working Mom, April 2001.
Republished here with permission of the author.

ANYONE who has ever been a teenager knows the difficulty of wanting to break away from your parents and the shock of realizing how dependent you really are on them. Anyone who has ever raised a teenager has felt this same ambivalence -- the agony of wanting to keep your children close but knowing how you have to let them go sometime.

Adolescence is a very scary time for your son or daughter. When a child enters the teenage years, he or she becomes overly preoccupied with looks. Girls start to menstruate, grow breasts, and shoot up a few inches. Boys grow hair and find their voices changing. They think in abstract terms and become argumentative. Emotions are extreme and volatile and small events can trigger enormous reactions. Your teens will want to spend as little time as possible with you and as much as they can with friends.

But of all the changes taking place in your adolescent, the one that probably excites or terrifies you most is when they begin to explore the mysteries of young love. Admittedly, it is scary for most parents when their sons and daughters move from close friendship with their own sex to friendship and romantic attachments with the opposite sex.

Teens in love

Patty Campos-Domingo, a psychologist and mother of three (two of them teenage boys, aged 14 and 18), describes what falling in love is like for a teenager.

“It is an exhilirating experience. They seem to live on Cloud 9 and are always excited because they have never felt lilke this before. They want to be with the loved one 24 hours a day. They talk constantly of that person, especially with their peers.

“For adolescents, falling in love usually begins with physical attraction (‘He’s so cute’... She’s got long, silky hair”). We must remember that at this stage, teenagers are very self-conscious about their looks, and being physically attractive does help boost one’s selt esteem. But when falling in love with someone, most teenagers look beyond the physical. Character and personality plays a very important role in the deepening attraction )’He sings so well’... ‘She’s so good in sports’... ‘He’s so intelligent’... ‘She’s very thoughtful’).”

Don’t be scared, since falling in love is part of growing up. We have all experienced falling in love. “What we should try to avoid are delivering recurring long sermons about being too young to fall in love and giving unsolicited comments about their loved one. This will surely turn them off and discourage them from communicating with us about their experiences,” says Domingo.
How to handle it

How do you handle your teenager’s experience of ‘first love’ and all the sexual activities that it may entail -- hand-holding, hugging, casual kissing, necking and petting, and genital contact? If you grew up in the 60s, 70s, or 80s, you must pride yourself in the fact that you are more liberal than your parents used to be and that you can talk to your children about sex openly and in helpful ways.

The bad news is that talking about intimacy and sex remains a problem, even for us parents. Most of us withhold information from our adolescent children who end up getting it from friends who do not have the whole picture. Our children still do not talk to us about sex and are nervous or afraid to bring up the subject. Although teenagers say that they would like to be open and frank with us about sexual behavior, they resent being questioned, and they tend to consider their sexual activities nobody else’s business.

Talk to your teens

Domingo, Training Director of the Ateneo Wellness Center and co-founder/president of Resources and Inner Strategies for Excellence (RISE, Inc.), gives us helpful suggestions on how parents can communicate with their adolescent children about intimacy and sex and help them deal with the ecstasy and agony of first love.

Keep communications lines open.

Be sensitive to your teenager’s desire to talk to you, and give him or her your undivided attention. Keep the door open on any subject. “As a busy working parent, you must find time and ways to communicate with your children,” says Domingo. “It is important to let them know that you are aware of what is going on in their lives -- the physiological changes that are taking place or will be taking place at this time of their lives. Journey with them into this new stage of growth by sharing the experiences you had at their age. Share the excitement, fears, sadness and joys you had.”

“But when you talk to them, be aware of what you say and how you say it -- the tone of your voice, your facial expression. Your non-verbal behavior can affect the way you communicate messages to your teen.

Learn to listen and understand.

This is of utmost importance. Listen calmly and concentrate on hearing and understanding your teenager’s point of view -- and then offer your own views as clearly and honestly as possible. Even though adolescents want to exchange ideas with their parents, they are disappointed that their parents explain more than they listen. Try to understand their feelings even if you don’t always approve of their behavior.

Treat your teenagers and their friends with respect.

Speak to your teenager as courteously as you would speak to an adult. Show them respect, so they can develop respect for themselves. Avoid belittling and humiliating your teenager and laughing at what may seem to you to be naive or foolish questions and statements. Do not make unfavorable comments about the loved one, as it will make them defensive. They may begin to distance themselves from you. Try to avoid criticizing their friends directly and find a more tactful way of communicating your message.

Get them involved in the negotiation of rules.

“They have a stake in what is going on. If they think a decision is unreasonable, explain it to them,” says Domingo. Early adolescents are not yet capable of reflecting on the morality of their actions and dealing with the appropriate and effective punishment so they tend to complain more. But by age 16, adolescents are able to coordinate their own and their parents’ perspectives on behavior. This allows them to better understand and appreciate their parents’ needs and restrictions. Older adolescents can certainly use negotiation skills so far as privileges, freedom, and discipline are concerned. Adds Domingo: “By letting them participate in the decision-making, you make them responsible for keeping their side of the bargain.”

Set reasonable limits and be consistent.

Domingo believes that there is one ground rule that is non-negotiable: setting limits with your children and making sure they know there are rules to be followed. “You have to be consistent with their limits,” she says.

Studies have shown that when parents ignore obvious signs of sexual activity, young people sometimes become puzzled and angry. “They want limits to be set. Children can be taught to set limits for themselves by learning to assert themselves and to say no when necessary. In the same manner, they learn to respect the wishes of others when they say no,” explains Domingo.
Make them aware that they are responsible for what they do.

Domingo says that adolescents have what the psychologist David Elkind calls personal fable -- the conviction that they are special, that their experience is unique, and that they are not subject to the natural rules that govern the rest of the world. This belief accounts for much of teens’ self-destructive behavior. “They believe they are invulnerable. It is for this reason that adolescents must be made aware that they are responsible for what they do,” says Domingo.

Many of the arguments between you and your teens will be about “how much” and “how soon”; for instance, how much freedom they have to decide what they can do and how soon they can go on a date without a chaperon. You have to be more flexible in your thinking and less authoritarian with your teenage children than you were when they were younger. You need to perfect your balancing act -- how to walk the fine line between granting them more independence and protecting them from immature lapses in their judgment. And yet, you should not try to keep them from taking risks -- especially falling in love.

Just trust your parental instincts and not worry too much. You survived your first love. It is very likely that your teen will, too.
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US College Football Star Is Kuya to Orphans

2009-01-05T11:51:00.000-08:00

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Tim Tebow, Quarterback, Florida Gators
(Pinoy Born, and of Pinoy Heart)
The Philippine Star, January 4, 2009

When US college football star, Tim Tebow, plays in next week's (January 8, 2009) national championship game, his most far-flung fans will be not only cheering him on, but trying to understand which sport he's playing.

The 42 kids in an orphanage in Surallah, North Cotabato, vaguely understand he is famous. But in a country where basketball, boxing and billiards are king, college football isn't on the map. In fact football isn't even football here: soccer is.

The staff and children at Uncle Dick's Home--founded by Tebow's father, Bob--mistook the football that Tebow brought during a three-day visit in March for a rugby ball. They were initiated into the sport by a tape Tebow brought. Since then, they have tried to get up to speed by watching occasional games on TV, and they hope to watch Tebow's University of Florida Gators play Oklahoma in the BCS national championship game.

However, they're just not sure yet if it will be on TV live Friday morning (Thursday night in the US), or if they will have to track down a tape afterwards. And they're still fuzzy on this newfound sport--even Tebow's number and jersey colors. Rhodaleaf Catuto, the daughter of orphanage director, Raymunda Gauran, ventured white and green for the latter. The Gators are white and blue, and No. 15 is a hot-seller nationwide, but that doesn't matter at the orphanage, where Tebow is just known as Kuya--Big Brother--Tim.

"He's just a very simple guy," Mrs. Gauran said. "He plays with the kids."

Tebow has visited the orphanage several times since high school. After all, his roots began there. He was born when his mother, Pam, left General Santos City near the orphanage and went to a hospital in Manila, where she gave birth to her fifth child. She and her husband, longtime missionaries, told him he was a "miracle" baby as he was growing up, and he seems determined to live up to it.

In addition to his football exploits, which brought him the first Heisman Trophy ever given to a sophomore and carried him to a third-place finish in the voiting in his just-completed junior season, Tebow has also made missionary trips to Croatia and Thailand, working with underprivileged youth and visiting hospitals and prisons. While the skeptical wonder if a guy really can be this good, Mrs. Gauran has no doubts. "He's a great preacher," she said. "People just listen to him."

Getting there is an ordeal--a five-hour flight from Florida to the US West Coast, about 14 hours to Manila, a short flight to General Santos, then 130 kilometers by rugged road to the compound on the edge of a ravine overlooking the Allah River.

His father no longer makes the trip, but Tebow is committed to it. On his last visit, he was invited to assist doctors with some medical procedures, removing cysts from patients and performing a few circumcisions.

"It was a great experience for me," Tebow said after returning home. "Doing those things, taking my platform as a football player and using it for good, using it to be an influence and change people's lives, that's more important than football to me."
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Mabuhay ka, Kuya Tim!

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Laughing Christ

2008-10-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

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Laughing Christ: Collected Reflections of Joseph Galdon, S.J.
Cover Design by Toots Magsino (New York): Member, ofwparasapamilya.com
Article written by Michelle Dayrit-Soliven.
The Philippine Star, October 19, 2008. Republished here with permission of the author.

He spoke of love. His heart was full of it. He gave it freely. Tirelessly, he enriched these young ladies’ lives with his own special brand of love and laughter, wisdom and prayer. To them, Fr. Joseph Galdon, S.J. is a well loved teacher, preacher, mentor and spiritual director.

To preserve the nuggets of wisdom they have learned from Fr. Galdon, these women came up with a tome titled “Laughing Christ: Collected Reflections of Joseph Galdon, SJ.”

“More than four decades ago, there began a special love affair between Fr. Galdon and his women Jesuits or Jesuitas as he fondly referred to them,” my friend Toots Magsino, a Jesuita, wrote in the introduction of Laughing Christ, whose cover design was made by her. "At the urging of some of his women students, he took on the challenge of leading a weekend retreat that was meant to help in their spiritual quest. It was called Prayer Days for Coeds (PDC) and was held at the Ateneo de Manila University grounds. Since then, he has touched hundreds of coeds and gifted them with enough precious lessons to last a lifetime.”

Fr. Galdon taught them the important concept behind “love in the open hand,” urged them to remove their mask and celebrate their individuality and helped them embrace the idea of letting go and letting God.” He always reminded his Jesuitas that they are all terrific and that there is no such thing as bad girls, only scared ones.

I spoke with some of the Jesuitas who were involved in the making of the book and they shared with me their beautiful memories and lessons learned from Fr. Galdon. Here goes…

Toots Magsino, Filipino painter based in New York
I consider myself very privileged to be called a Jesuita. Attending my first PDC weekend had such a great impact on me that I came back several times after to assist other women experience this life changing event. Those weekend retreats formed intimate bonds between Father G. and the women who attended them. Through that shared experience, our lives were forever changed and transformed.

My painting of the Laughing Christ (which adorns the cover of the book) was inspired by memories of those special Ateneo PDC Retreats. One of the main events during our “days of prayer” was the evening confession, where each participant was assigned to a father confessor, for a special one on one encounter. After confession we congregated in a darkened room for some quiet time and reflection. Amidst the darkness, a single candle illuminated the picture of the laughing Christ by Ralph Kozak. I had never seen that image of Jesus before. It was a beautiful portrayal of His humanity and I loved it. I felt the urge to interpret that wonderful image. I painted my own version of the laughing Christ in 1996 and dedicated it to Father G. during his 50th year as a Jesuit priest.

Cynthia Melocoton,
What I fondly remember about Fr. Galdon was how he erased my fear of confession. He had made this sacrament a very personal experience of the Lord’s love and mercy. I don’t think that people in general look forward to confession because it is embarrassing confessing your sins to a complete stranger. But Father G always understood us. He made confession a very positive experience. He made us feel that nothing can ever come between Jesus and a contrite heart.

He taught us to “love with an open hand.” We have all been broken and hurt at one time or another, and those moments often scar us for life. During our PDC weekends, Fr. G always reminded us to love with an open hand despite the scars. He encouraged us to always look to our Blessed Mother as our model. He points to Mama Mary with her palms outstretched before us—her open hands symbolizing her choice to love, to forgive, to give, to surrender… again and again and again.”

Yvonne Romualdez, businesswoman
It was Father G who taught me to kneel down at the end of every single day and complete the four steps of prayer by saying, “ I love you. Thank you. I praise you. Alleluia.” And if ever I forget, my seven-year-old daughter Carin and three-year-old son Cito, who have picked up this daily habit, are there to remind me. It’s so amazing that Fr. Galdon’s priceless lessons have now been passed on to the third generation.

Leah Sanchez,
During our growing up years Fr. Galdon’s presence in my life was very crucial. Whenever I talked to him of my hurts he would simply give the advice to LOVE, LOVE and LOVE. And so I realized that is why he always assigned me to lead the love talk during my college days. Fr. G reminded us that Christ demanded so little of us and yet he also taught us to give greatly. He taught us to kneel down every night before we go to sleep and recall the good and positive things we encountered during the day. And if we fall asleep praying that way, it would be a very strong form of prayer.

Tina Puno,
I will always remember Fr. G for the poem “Love in the Open Hand by Edna St. Vincent Millay. This is the poem he read at the start of the weekend. It taught us to open ourselves to the weekend and to love unselfishly. As the sonnet goes “love in the open hand, no thing but that, ungemmed, unhidden, wishing not to hurt…” He always quoted, “You’re beautiful! You’re terrific!”
***
I asked the Jesuitas why they came up with the “Laughing Christ,” a project that, according to them, took 12 years to make.

Tina said: “We were casually talking to Father G about printing another book since he had already published several namely “Mustard Seed “(the most popular one), “Chain of Love”, “Jubilee”, and more “Mustard seed” – aside from writing a weekly Sunday column.

From the Jesuitas, I learned that the book was initially spearheaded by Toots Magsino. When Toots left for New York to pursue her art studies, the work was taken over by Tina Puno, Jackie Uysiusend Reyes, Cres Rodriguez Yulo and her sister Det ( who took care of the re-typing from the original manuscript that Fr. Galdon passed on to Toots), Lizette Yulo (who took care of the funds), Myette Dizon Hizon, Aimee Cruz Agregado, Yvonne Dayrit-Romualdez and Cynthia Melocoton. With the assistance of Fr. Stein and the Jesuit Communications Foundation, the book was finally printed and launched.

At the recent launch , Fr. Jose Mario Francisco, SJ shared: “Though he can no longer be with us due to infirmity and old age—he’s afflicted with Alhzeimer’s disease—we are consoled that we now have his words in the ‘Laughing Christ.’ With this book we can recapture our experiences of listening to his voice. With it, others who never met him can still draw from his wellspring and learn from him. This is more than we, who love him so dearly, can ever ask for.”
***

I thank Tina Puno for gifting me with a copy of the book. As I browsed through the pages I was touched by “Be Kind” on page 276. Here, Fr. Galdon wrote:

“One of the most important things of the spirit is kindness. During a class on Anglo Saxon literature at Columbia University I learned that the word kindness is related to “kin” and “kindred” and comes from the old English word for “family.” It is so true that we learn kindness in the family — how to help those who are in need, how to think about others and not to think only about ourselves. I think we have learned over time that the greatest and happiest people in the world are kind people. They may not be rich. They may not be successful, but they are happy. The road to happiness always passes through the gate of kindness.”
***
More than being just a good deep read, which it is, this is one book you will find yourself reading over and over again. It will touch your heart, feed your soul and nurture your spirit.

(For more information on Laughing Christ, please call 426-5971 to 72 loc. 113 or e-mail tanging.yaman@jescom.ph).

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Difficult People

2008-10-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

10 Commandments of Handling Difficult People
Column written by Francis J. Kong
The Philippine Star, October 16, 2008. Republished here with permission of the author.
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An arrogant government representative stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer. "I need to inspect your farm." The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field."

The agricultural representative said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the government with me. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, the farmer heard loud screams. He saw the representative running for the fence, and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and was gaining at every step.

The old farmer called out: "Show him your card!"

Some people are just so difficult to deal with. I have been asked this question: "Francis, just how do you handle difficult people?" And my two-word answer is: "Very carefully."

There will always be people, who are simply difficult to deal with. Have you met people like these? I am sure you have and so have I. Now understand one important thing. Just because a person is educated is no guarantee that the person is cultured.

I have met people who are brash, rude, arrogant, proud even though they are highly educated. These are people with impressive educational degrees. I mean these people have got more degrees than a thermometer but they sure act, talk and behave rude and crude.

So how do you deal with people like these?

My response is: "You have to be kind to bacteria." Because to some people like these, bacteria is the only culture they have. I will not allow them to get on my nerves because I will not allow their rudeness to control me. He who angers you, controls you. We may not be able to control everyone but if there is only one person in the world we can control, it's the one you see on the mirror every day.

My partners and I offer the licensed Dr. John Maxwell leadership training programs and we deal with this subject matter intensively. Dr. John Maxwell offers the 10 commandments for handling difficult people:

Use the 101-percent Principle. Find the one percent you agree on and give it 100 percent of your attention.
Love people more than policies, but love truth more than people.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.
Learn to be flexible where you can.
Check your own attitude.
Don't overreact to conflict and disagreement.
Welcome the conflict. Make it a learning experience.
Provide an escape for the person in conflict. Let them maintain their dignity.
Take a risk. Give people a second chance.
Take the high road. Be generous and believe the best about others.

Commandment number 2 is important to me. Love people more than policies but love truth more than people. While we try to be as friendly, diplomatic and civil, there will come a time when the stand on truth takes prominence over people.

The truth is that people change. Some change for the better and others change for the worst. I have met both. I have met people whose lives were so messed up before and now they are all cleaned up. I have also met people who used to be trustworthy, respectable and humble, and today, they have become some of the most arrogant and worst charlatans you will ever meet in your life. This is why the most important thing to remember is that you and I should make an effort in changing for the better everyday. Better in competence but more importantly...better in character.

When the choice is presented before you. People or truth? Choose truth over people all the time. Do not strive to be popular. Strive to be Christ-like.

You can handle difficult people when people trust you for who and what you really are.

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PsychConsult Inc.

2008-10-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

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PsychConsult Inc.
A Firm of Qualified and Professional Psychologists
At Your Service

(Left to right - sitting): Sandra Ebrada, MA; Zachele Marie Briones, PhD (Cand.); Caridad Tarroja, PhD; Bernadette Go, MA.

(Left to right - standing): Araceli Alcala, MA; Evangeline Alianan-Bautista MA; Andrea Tirazona, MS (Cand.); Sharon Co, MA; Cristina Enriquez, MA.

(Not in picture): Arsenio Sze Alianan, PhD; May Lee, PhD (Cand); Lito Salinas, MA; Regina Diaz Goon, MA (Cand.)

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PsychConsult, Inc. is a professional firm of qualified psychologists, dedicated to the mental and psychological health and well-being of the individual, groups and families, and to the healing of emotional and psychological wounds.

Their services include individual and group therapy, family and marital therapy, children and play therapy, psychological evaluation and clinical assessment, workshops and talks, and programs customized to promote the mental and emotional wellness of individuals and groups, based on their specific needs.

The firm's consultants have advanced graduate studies and degrees, as well as practical experience in the clinical/counselling areas of psychology and education. Their specializations include: clinical/counseling psychology, child and family development, and educational psychology, applied in a clinical, academe or hospital setting. Prior to coming together at PsychConsult, Inc., the consultant psychologists had been actively involved in their own consultancies and clinical work for a minimum of 6 years, including various positions in universities and hospitals.

Since its inception in 2001, PsychConsult, Inc. has endeavored to provide the best quality clinical/counseling psychological services to the community--helping one client at a time to grow and become more mindful of her/his sense of wholeness and well-being.

The psychologists of PsychConsult, Inc. stand ready to serve the Filipino OFWs, expats, immigrants and the Global Pinoy community. They take turns in responding to the Magtanong sa Psychologist and other Family Care questions, posted on www.ofwparasapamilya.com; they will conduct online workshops and seminars, and of course attend to group or individual counseling appointments. These services are available not just to overseas Filipinos but also to their families and other Pinoys living in the Philippines.

Ngayon. Hindi Ka Nag-Iisa...One. Filipino. Never Alone.

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